Ai Higuchi sings a line that asks if she is good enough. The artist then writes lyrics about calendar Xs to mark failures, and Arisa Kobayashi, Junichiro Fujinami, Akira Yokoi produce a rhythm that matches her struggle. She features the track on the album Sihou Shugi.
Released: August 6, 2025
Instead of me
Ai Higuchi • From “Sihou Shugi”
Instead of me Lyrics Meaning Ai Higuchi | Sihou Shugi
The poet describes a daily ritual of marking Xs on a calendar to show setbacks. She notes physical discomfort like medicine bottles and glasses with wrong prescriptions, showing anxiety. A key lyric ‘You’re fine just as you are’ stands as a brief reassurance.
Kimi wa sore de ii no yo“You’re fine just as you are,”
To iwareru towhen someone tells me that,
Konnan ja dame tte omouI just feel like I’m not good enough.
Kimi wa motto kou shina yo“You should do things more like this,”
To iwareru towhen they say that to me,
Nani ga wakaru nda tte omouI wonder what they actually know.
Zenbu hontou de zenbu uso ja nakuteIt’s all true and none of it’s a lie,
Kyou mo kawaritakuteI wanted to change today too
Zenzen kaware nakutebut I didn’t change at all.
Dasai dasai dasaiI’m so lame, so lame, so lame,
Yowai yowai yowaiso weak, so weak, so weak,
Kyou mo dame datta tte karenda ni batsu wo tsukeru hibispending my days marking ‘X’s on the calendar for every failure.
Tsurai tsurai tsuraiIt’s so hard, so hard, so hard,
Itai kurushiiit’s painful and I’m suffering.
Demo makenai miushinawanaiBut I won’t lose and I won’t lose sight
Watashi watashiof me, of me.
Ashita mo kono yaruki ga saIf this motivation would only
Jizoku shitara ii nonilast until tomorrow,
Okitarabut when I wake up,
Sekai ga hikkurikaetteruthe world’s been turned upside down.
Kinou wa dekiru tte omottetaYesterday I thought I could do it.
Machijuu ni afureruIf I gathered up all the words from ‘great people’
Erai hito no kotoba wo atsumetarathat overflow throughout the city,
Kaban no himo ga chigireta yothe strap of my bag would snap.
Dekiru ka dekinai ka ja naiIt’s not about whether I can or can’t,
Yaru ka yaranai ka na nda tteit’s about whether I do it or I don’t—
Wakatteru yo atama de wa neI know that in my head, at least.
Nansatsu mono tochuu de owatteru nootoSo many notebooks abandoned halfway through,
Nanmai mono kansei sarenakatta irasutoso many illustrations left unfinished,
Nanhon mono ketsumatsu no shiranai honso many books where I don’t know the end,
Nankyoku mono barabara no utaso many fragmented pieces of songs,
Utasongs.
Nemurenakute kusuri wo nomu yoI can’t sleep so I take my medicine,
Do no awanai megane wo kaketa mitaiit’s like wearing glasses with the wrong prescription.
Boyaketa genjitsu nayami ya fuan ya miraiA blurred reality, worries, anxieties, and the future—
Atomawashi ni shita mono de reitouko ga ippaithe freezer’s stuffed with everything I’ve put off.
Dasai dasai dasaiI’m so pathetic, pathetic, pathetic,
Yowai yowai yowaiso weak, so weak, so weak,
Kyou mo dame datta tte karenda ni batsu wo tsukeru hibimarking ‘X’s on my calendar for another failed day.
Tsurai tsurai tsuraiIt’s so tough, so tough, so tough,
Itai kurushiiit hurts and I’m suffering.
Mokuhyou wo tatereba tateru dake tsuyoku natta tsumori deI pretend I’ve gotten stronger just by setting goals,
Mata uragiru tabi ni motto jibun wo kirai ni naruand I hate myself more every time I betray them.
Akirametakunai yametakunaiI don’t want to give up, I don’t want to quit,
Kedo minna watashi no koto nantebut I’m sure everyone thinks
Dou datte dou nattatte ii ndeshouit doesn’t matter what happens to me.
Dasai dasai dasaiI’m so lame, so lame, so lame,
Yowai yowai yowaiso weak, so weak, so weak,
Kyou mo dame datta tte karenda ni batsu wo tsukeru hibimarking ‘X’s on the calendar for another wasted day.
Tsurai tsurai tsuraiIt’s so hard, so hard, so hard,
Itai kurushiiit’s painful and I’m suffering.
Demo makenai misutenaiBut I won’t lose and I won’t abandon myself,
Watashi no kachi katachi kawari kanashiimy worth and my shape are changing and it’s sad.
Demo ikiteruBut I’m alive.
Watashi no kachi akashi kawari kanashiiMy worth and my proof are changing and it’s sad,
Demo ikiteirubut I’m still living.
Kyou wa kinou yori ippo mae niToday, one step further than yesterday,
Kyou wa kinou yori kao wo mae nitoday, head held higher than yesterday,
Kyou wa kinou yori tsumasaki wo ashita nitoday, pointing my toes toward tomorrow.
Misutenai watashiI won’t give up on myself,
Watashi watashi watashime, me, me.
Instead of me Music Video
The translation of ‘Instead of me’ lyrics breaks self-doubt and shows growth. Ai Higuchi sings in Japanese, and the tune spans pop with experimental sounds. This delivers clarity on small victories despite ongoing pain.