Big Scratch brings us ‘Khoj Par – A Poem’ from his album of the same name. The poet writes deeply personal lyrics about self-discovery and healing. Anxious provides the thoughtful music that carries the story.
Released: January 23, 2026
Khoj Par – A Poem
Big Scratch • From “Khoj Par”
Khoj Par – A Poem Lyrics Translation Big Scratch | Khoj Par
The songwriter describes specific childhood memories, like playing with a pink plastic football with his grandfather. ‘How could a plastic ball ever withstand the weight of a bus,’ he writes about a tragic loss that shaped his fears. Big Scratch builds from this moment to explore his ongoing search for identity.
Toh jab zarurat thi tab main apna khayal nahi rakh paayaSo, when I needed it most, I couldn’t look after myself.
Aur fir iss baat ki barabari karne ke liye main sabke saath bura pesh aayaAnd then, to try and even the score, I treated everyone else poorly.
Apne sharam ko bohot chhupaya, yeh keh kar ki isme meri ek bhalayi haiI hid my shame deep inside, telling myself it was for my own good.
Par iss jhoot ke dabaav se nikal kar yeh khayal fir wapis aayaBut after breaking free from that lie’s weight, the thought came rushing back.
Chot kisi ne pohanchaya aur main ne saza kisi aur ko diSomeone else hurt me, yet I ended up punishing an innocent person.
Aur iss baat ke ehsaas ke liye ab baaki poori zindagiAnd I’ll spend the rest of my life living with that realization.
Ab apni aadatein todna toh chahta huI really want to break my habits now,
Par darta hu ki aadatein todne ki ek aadat naa lag jaye fir kahinbut I’m afraid I’ll just get addicted to the habit of breaking them.
Mere zameen se main aasmaan mein dekhta huFrom where I stand on the ground, I look up at the sky,
Iss zameen se main aasmaan mein dekhta hufrom this very ground, I gaze up at the sky,
Ki badlaav ki hawayein panchhiyon ko udaa kar le jaati hainwatching how the winds of change carry the birds away.
Dar lagta hai jab zehan mujhe unke nazariye se duniya dikhati haiIt’s terrifying when my mind shows me the world through their eyes.
Apne vikrit soch mein beshak takleef hai, par usse jaanta toh hoonThere’s definitely pain in my twisted thoughts, but at least they’re familiar.
Badlaav ke uss paar ka kohra mujhe daraati haiThe fog on the other side of change is what truly scares me.
Bachpan mein apne nanaji ke saath mainWhen I was a child, with my ‘nanaji’ (maternal grandfather),
Ek gulaabi plastic ke football se khela karta thaI used to play with a pink plastic football.
Wo kahin ghumne gaye aur kaha, tujhe jo chahiye kehdeHe was going on a trip and said, “Tell me whatever you want.”
Toh main ne ek naya plastic ka football maang liyaSo, I asked him for a brand new plastic football.
Wapsi ke waqt unka accident ho gayaOn his way back, he met with a fatal accident,
Aur ek plastic ka ball ek bus ka wazan kaise sehle?and how could a plastic ball ever withstand the weight of a bus?
Dar lagta hai tabse kuch maangne se pehleI’ve been afraid to ask for anything ever since.
KhairAnyway.
Main bada hone laga aur samajh aaya ki mujhe nafrat hai bachon seAs I grew up, I realized that I hated children.
Samay laga aur fir samajh aaya ki jalta hoon mein unke har harkat seIt took time to realize I was actually jealous of everything they did.
Kyuki mujhe lagta tha ki mera bachpan kahin chhin gaya haiBecause I felt like my own childhood had been stolen from me,
Aur ab kahin darta hoon main bachpan seand now, I’m somehow afraid of childhood itself.
Darpok hoon main, darta hoon main iss duniya seI’m a coward, I’m terrified of this world.
Darta hoon kahin main bhi toh nahi shaamil iss duniya meinI’m afraid that I might actually be a part of this world too.
Darta hoon khudse, darta hoon ruk keI’m afraid of myself, and I’m afraid to stop.
Ruk kar fir darta hoon duniya aage naa badh jaaye kahin mujhseIf I stop, I fear the world might leave me far behind.
Lekin chalta jaata hoonBut I just keep moving forward.
Mein uth jaata hoon har subahI wake up every single morning,
Aur khudko firse koshish karta paata hoonand I find myself trying once again.
HameshaAlways.
Shayad apni kabiliyat ko main nahi jaanta hoonMaybe I don’t really know what I’m capable of.
Ab apne aap ko main poori tarah kahan pehchanta hoonI don’t even fully recognize myself these days.
Toh abse main bas cheezo ko hone dena chahta hoonSo from now on, I just want to let things happen as they will.
Bhale poori zindagi main khudko talaashta rahunEven if I spend my entire life searching for who I am.
Main khudko hazaron dafa khona chahta hoonI want to lose myself a thousand times over,
Aur hazaron dafa paana chahta hoonand find myself a thousand times again.
Kyuki main manzil dhoondta reh gayaBecause I stayed lost in searching for a destination.
Apne poore taakat se pakde rakha har uss cheez koI held onto every single thing with all my strength,
Jinpe samay badlaav naa laa sakehoping that time wouldn’t be able to change them.
Ab chahe woh gussa ho, nafrat ho, ya dar hoWhether it was anger, hatred, or even fear.
Kamaal ki bewakoofi thiIt was such an incredible act of foolishness.
Main manzil dhoondta reh gayaI kept looking for the destination,
Main khudko bhoolta reh gayawhile I kept forgetting my true self.
Kisi manzil par khudko firse khoj paane ki tamanna meinIn my desire to rediscover myself at some final goal,
Safar ke beech khudme hi ghoorna reh gayaI was left just staring at myself in the middle of the journey.
Aur shayad iss sabke dauraan main kabhi khoya hi nahi thaAnd maybe through all of this, I was never actually lost.
Jo manzil tha woh safar mein thaThe destination was always found within the journey.
Jo tha woh yahin thaEverything I needed was right here.
Apne khoj par bechaini, thakaan aur tajjub hona zaahir si baat haiIt’s only natural to feel restless, tired, and surprised on this search.
Par yeh khoj kabhi khatam hona hi nahi thaBut this search was never meant to come to an end.
Khoj parOn the search.
HameshaAlways.
Khoj Par – A Poem Music Video
The translation of ‘Khoj Par – A Poem’ lyrics offers a hopeful take on personal growth despite fear. This Hindi track is about finding yourself through the journey itself, not just at the destination.